Well, here it is another Thanksgiving and the shit has hit the proverbial fan at just short of 2:30 pm. Heh, heh, that's a record breaker even for this family. It never ceases to amaze me how much work we who actually work, log into Thanksgiving. For a table full of food, we sell our souls to the Devil. Well, after slightly (ever so slightly) over a quarter of a century, I have but one question: WTF?
This is my last year going through all the hassle--wading through mountains of bargain seeking grocery store patrons, decorating, cleaning, cooking, NOT sleeping, and on and on ad infinitum. It never ends, I tell you. And as a parent who has done everything short of begging for her children's company, I can honestly say when it's all said and done, when all that's left of the spicy pumpkin pie is a dull, orange smear and a wayward crumb, when the turkey has completely undressed, when the dressing lies clumped and parched in the pan, when I can do nothing more than sit on the chesterfield completely spent, catching stray drool with the end of the drapes, that I realize it wasn't worth it.
Yet year after year, I trudge haplessly forward, deluding myself with the vaporous notion that things will be wonderful this year. Noone will be bitchy or pouty, we will toast our love for each other and say a prayer for fallen comrades and passed on loved ones. There will be choirs playing and with each tender, swollen note, angel voices will lift us up to a place that can only be described as divine. We will rest comfortably in the bosom of our loving family and be grateful that we have another year together to laugh and let loose. We will be present, we will be thankful, we will be HAPPY to be where we are.
Well, guess what, people? I don't THINK so! Not THIS year.
This year, it's about getting people fed so they can get back to their lives. It's about rushing around like a spastic tasmanian devil...redundant, you say? Ever seen a tasmanian devil? Now, imagine a spastic one...shut up and read.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, albeit tired from lack of sleep....got to bed at 5:30 am this morning and back up as usual to begin the task at hand: To cook a tasty, homey comfort meal for family and friends. I had a little help with that, people peeling potatoes and performing other tasks that lighten the load, thankfully.
What I didn't have was the people around me in a holiday mood. One was being a crabass all day, and the other was doing their usual silent treatment because they had earlier acted like a horse's ass and when confronted, began to be pissy and childish. The usual, the predictable, the tedious....it's almost comical, really. I cannot for the life of me understand people wearing their pride like so much bling around their necks. There are times to let things go and just LET go. Have a good time. Be grateful...put yourself at the bottom of the priority list rather than at the top. Look at how the way you behave and speak affects others. For some people, happiness is like a disease....something to be avoided at all costs. They're afraid to just cut loose and let things happen. In their twisted emotional process, they drag everyone around them down to their pit of emotional despair and dysfunction, and when that is accomplished, the smile returns to their face, as if they have completed a mission. I watch it happen time and again, and I am amazed at the process. It really is something to see.
Another thing is this: Instead of coming into a room and unleashing your anger like you're taking off your scarf, gloves, toboggan, coat, etc...and leaving us all breathless wondering what the hell we ever did to you, try something like "I really have something bothering me. Can we talk about it? I don't want to put a HUGE, UNNECESSARY DAMPER on Thanksgiving, so I'd just like to clear this up so we can go on with the CELEBRATION AND MERRIMENT." You would be AMAZED at how well this works. Your way creates tension, dissension, discord, anger, all that nasty, toxic stuff I really don't want any part of, thank you kindly.
People, stop making nothing everything. Just STOP. Stop and look. Look at what's going on around you. Are people in a fairly good mood? What are the people doing that you're about to unleash your unwarranted crap on? Stop and LISTEN. Listen to YOURSELF. Do you sound justified? Do you sound like a mature, level headed ADULT? Do you sound REASONABLE and LUCID, or ludicrous and petty? Stop and THINK....THINK...THINK. How are these people going to react to my nasty attitude? Would I want someone to sling their attitude at me like I'm about to sling mine on these hapless folks? Would I appreciate it? Would I think it reasonable and justified, or petty and sophomoric? I highly doubt you can honestly answer any of these questions in your favor. Just sayin.
If you are over 40 years of age and you have issues with nearly everyone in your life, it's time to look at your delivery. Most times it isn't the issue, but the delivery that is the problem. When you verbally assault someone, you will garner no pity for your plight, and likely you will gain no sympathy from the innocent people you just unloaded upon. Of course, as predicted, you will pass the buck and lay the blame on anyone but yourself as you make your way through the day, making certain EVERYONE and their brother notices you not speaking to certain people in the room. This is when you appear the most silly. It is a memory etched into the permanent album in the minds of your friends and loved ones.
The thing is we still love you, but some of us know you well enough to know exactly what your next move is going to be. It's like we've watched the movie that is you countless times and we know your next move down to the finger twitch. To be sure, some of us will go on loving you in spite of you. We know you throw snits and skitter off. We know you stalk out of rooms with great fanfare and slam doors behind you. We know your pride is the most important thing to you, even more important than the ones who love and care for you. We know that you wear your emotions like so many ribbons on your sleeve. We know you are moody, temperamental, and self centered.
A few of us also know you are a lost, scared, tangled up basket of various and sundry emotions and you don't have the tools to ask for the help that you need. Instead, you choose anger in an attempt to deal with your emotional stress. After all, anger is the easiest thing, isn't it? Isn't it just easier to explode and let everything fly rather than dealing with what's really bothering you? I know, because sometimes I explode. Sometimes I just have so much weighing on me that I don't know what to do with it. I do reserve holidays as times of goodwill and cheer, just focusing on making those around me feel loved and cherished. These being such busy times and the fact that there is so much to deal with already makes this an easy choice for me.
Of course, I know that when some of you read this, you will become defensive (guilt does that to a person) and you will begin to pass the buck again as you pick an already (in my mind, since I've written this as my therapy session) closed wound by starting yet another argument. You will not now, not ever say "I was wrong, I'm terribly sorry." You will forever see yourself as the victim, and the world as your assailant. This I accept and I love you still. So shut up already and eat before you choke on the turkey you allowed to dry out while you were on your warpath.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. May God hold you in his hands and heap blessings upon you and yours.
Much Love,
Deborah
ps Hats off to those who can LET IT GO AND LET GO.
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